Six years ago I started this blog. Throughout it, I told of my struggles in an industry that I so wanted to be a part of. At times I was so brutally honest, my friends would tell me to take down the entry because no 'stranger' should know as much as I reveled. I never saw it that way. I saw my readers as people exactly like myself. Their love of theater was equal to mine. Any success I would, or could, experience in my career would be celebrated no greater then their own. I started the journal on my very first day in New York City and have since continued to chronicle the ups and downs of trying to stand out amongst some brilliant composers and lyricists working (and not working) in this industry called 'Theater.'
In the course of six years, I have had over 40 jobs. YES, 40 jobs. I was fired from every single one of them. I am not a good employee. I daydream way too much. On one occasion I was fired for sitting at the piano writing a song instead of bartending. I was told that if I didn't get up and stop writing, I would be let go. I had two lines left to finish. The song I was writing was 'I'm a Star.' I was fired ten minutes after finishing the song. Everyone in my family and all my friends use to joke with me that I could never hold down a job longer then a week. It was true. I also moved around just as much as I was job searching. I could never afford my apartment rent and was constantly couch surfing at friends apartments. The only constant in my life was the love of my dog, Billy, and my passion for composing music and writing lyrics.
This January, Billy and I moved into our very first one bedroom apartment in the city. Sure, it gets lonely living alone sometimes, but it's mine. The walls are painted in the colors I picked out. The plant I purchased from ikea is dying cause I don't know how to keep a plant alive. My bedroom is a sauna since the heater is on 90. But, its my sauna. It's my dead plant. It's my painted walls.
Last night I did something that I have been dreaming of doing my entire life of being fired from jobs. I fired myself. I gave my two week notice bartending at a wonderful bar in the West Village that I have been bartending at for over a year and a half and have enjoyed greatly.
It was time to spread my wings and see if I could fly on my own. To be a composer. Just a composer. Nothing more. Nothing less. To write as many songs as my heart could write. Letting go is scary but I am excited for what the future will hold for me. For six years I have struggled. I would never said I deserve success more then anyone else. I have always said that there are better writers out there then me. Whatever the reasons, though, I feel honored and blessed.
There have been so many wonderful blessings in my life but none more wonderful then all of your continued support.
To those of you who have been reading this blog since its beginning six years ago. Thank you for continuing to follow my career and for believing in me. For those new to this site, I welcome your support.
I don't dream alone. I dream with all of you ...
To those of you struggling to be heard as you follow your dream. Keep pushing, keep dreaming, keep believing. I was told day after day that I wasn't good enough to succeed. What I ask of you is to make me proud and push the naysayers as far away as possible.
I tell all my 'New Voices,' that the moment you make it, don't become bitter. Don't ever forget that you will always continue to learn. Don't forget who you are. Don't forget the friends who stood by your side and lent you a couch to sleep on when you had no home. Don't forget the book store you worked in, the bar you served drinks in, your 9-5 office job .... remember your struggle. Remember those in the industry that lent you a helping hand when you just wanted your voice to be heard. Remember that when a 'New Voices' asks you for a helping hand. Pay it forward.
And, most important ...
When you reach that day ...
Don't forget the distance you have come ...