Wednesday, December 28, 2005

HAPPY NEW YEAR !!!!

This year I have so much to be thankful for. I really do. It’s strange to look back on my life and realize how much I have accomplished. I am always hardest on myself. Pushing myself further and further. I am only 27. Thankfully there is still so much more to accomplish in life, and this year has been nothing short of an amazing starting ground. Ok, so where to even begin? Let’s see ….
On January 10th 2005, a new series called ‘Monday Nights, New Voices,’ was created. It was originally a showcase of my music with some friends, but as I was working out, I got this brilliant idea to help some of my friends who needed some exposure. So, the phone calls began. Hosted by Jenna Leigh Greene, the cast consisted of Zakiya Young, Lauren Thomas, Kathy Deitch, Nikki Renee Daniels and Sara Schmidt and featured Michael John LuChuisa as our special guest composer. I didn’t really know what to expect from the evening, to be honest. In the first incarnation, the producing team was Sabrina Gordan and myself, and Jesse Vargas, who was our musical director for the evening. The show was created because so many of my friends weren’t getting enough chances to perform, and I wanted the world to hear what I was hearing. I went in expecting a fun evening of belting and talent, but I didn’t even know if people would show up, let alone, enjoy it. Well, not only did we sell the evening out, but also the audience went crazy. From the second Nikki Renee Daniels belted out ‘The Wiz’s’ Home, I knew …this was going to be an amazing series. I have had the honor of working alongside some of the greatest composers in the industry (Stephen Schwartz, Stephen Flaherty, Charles Strouse, to just name a few) through MNNV, and being exposed, and exposing, some of the best up and coming talent in New York. I am more proud of this series then anything else I have ever done. I feel like a dad sometimes, checking in on everyone, and seeing how everyone is doing and I am just so proud of our performers. I can’t say much more then that. I am looking forward to 2006, as we stretch out a little, and give a full hour to expose some amazing talents. Hopefully it will only get better from here.
January 17th, I had another showcase of my music with Stephanie Block …Opps, nope …couldn’t make it …oh ya, Shoshana Bean ..Opps, nope, couldn’t make it either ….lol …I was so nervous I was going to have tomatoes thrown at me after the audience found out two of the stars of the evening had to pull out last minute. Alas, none of that was true, and Lisa Brescia stood up to the plate and belted out an amazing ‘Never Neverland’ and ‘If I Own Today.’ At the end of the show, the servers gave me this beautiful bouquet of flowers, and told me an attractive guy dropped them off. I couldn’t find a card, and all night, wondered who my secret admirer was. As I was putting them in water, the card fell out and they ended up being from Shoshana and the card said, “You don’t need me. Your talent stands alone.” It was very sweet, but I am still pissed I didn’t have an admirer. LoL.
January 30th, I found myself alongside Lisa Brescia again, joined by Stephanie J. Block, as we performed at the “Music By …” concert. Two of my favorite woman in the world, and a night I won’t ever forget. I talked for way to long that evening, and I think people keep telling me to shut up from the audience, but once I get someone laughing, don’t fuck with me…I wont EVER stop.
January 31st, I had double duty. I first went to watch “Queer Eye for the Straight Guys” Jai Rodriguez perform “If I Own Today” at his concert “Xposed” at the Hudson Theatre with a full, amazing, orchestra, and then jetted to the “Eva Cassidy Benefit, where I was only suppose to help produce alongside the ubber talented Sabrina Gordan, but ended up singing “Songbird” and hosting part of the night. I don’t care what the “critics” say; I had a blast and enjoyed every minute. It was a night I would never forget, and Sabrina did a wonderful job putting it all together, with a wonderful lineup of talent.
In May, Tara, Schele, Barbara and myself set out for Palo Alto, CA to workshop a reading of ‘Piece.’ None of us knew what to expect. Tara and I weren’t on speaking terms at the time, which made things harder. It was going to be an interesting situation, yet, I have never felt so excited in my life. Stepping off the place, I felt like a real composer. Our cast was beyond brilliant, even if they all looked the same age, and each of them taught us so much about our show. The audience’s reaction was beyond momentous for us, and it’s a roller coaster I will never forget in my entire life. My creative tem became closer then ever, and it was the major turning point within’ our working relationship. I also had the honor of meeting some incredible “fans” that made the experience that much more special for me.
On August 22nd, Shoshana Bean, Cheyenne Jackson, Lauren Thomas and Marty Thomas joined me in a sold out evening of friendship and music. It was an amazing evening, and I loved every minute of it. It was the first time I introduced “Never NeverLand” and the moment the chords started to play, the audience started to applaud. It made me smile so much, I fucked up the first line …hahaha. Oh, and, I could listen to Shoshana sing ‘Home’ every day of my life. …Which leads me too.
October 17th, we started rehearsal for the workshop for ‘Piece, ’ at the Duke on 42nd street. Our cast was brilliant, but trust me, there was diva drama, and one day, I’ll expose it all. LoL …you hear stories, but never expect to see it …oh, did we ever …one for the record books … Don’t worry, only one diva made m cry throughout the process … I am sure Ill leak it all out at one show in the future. …Oh dear. …Either way, it taught us so much about the show. And we are on a growing path to premiering ‘Piece,’ which is very exciting. I was so proud of the readings, and more proud of Kate Wetherhead as she came out as the star, like always. She has been a part of the readings since the second reading, and every time, is the star.
Who knows what is next. I can only imagine, and I am so excited for the year to begin. I can promise you that I will be creating new music, and pushing the limits, and I can only hope that ‘Piece’ can premiere by the end of 2006. We will soon see …
I thank all of you for caring enough about me and my career, and your letters. You inspire me …I still can’t believe that I have “fans” and people who love my work as much as they do. People who quote me as there favorite writer, when I haven’t even demonstrated enough work yet …who write me letters, and make me posters and plaques, and websites in my name. I never imagined this. The theatre industry is so giving. It may be small, but the heart of it is enormous.
This year held many ups and downs for me. It was a year that took me on the ride of my life. I had incredible career achievements, but extreme emotional lows. I learned, slowly, how to let go of loving someone (which is to recognize that you can’t), how to move from place to place, but still finds an internal spot as your home, you’re constant. I learned how not to care about what people had to say about me. I learned that I AM a writer, and being a bartender is just my form of making an income. I learned that family is the most important thing in my life. I have learned that I am nothing without my voice. I learned to live one day at a time, and care more about the hour your living, then about the day ahead. I learned that everyone makes mistakes, and all that is needed is an apology to be forgiven. I learned that I AM ready for love, and hope to find it in the New Year. I learned that I am so lucky and so thankful, and I hope each of you under dogs realize that my story is yours, and I am doing this for us all. I can’t wait to premiere more of me in 2006, to give you an idea of where I am going, and give back to all of you. Wishing each of you nothing short of everything in 2006. Lets do it together!!!

With love,
SA

Tuesday, December 27, 2005

In a world so crazy ...

Hey everyone. I hope your holidays were festive ..and those of you celebrating Hanukkah, I hope you are still recieving nice presents. I had a nice day with my sister and my mom today, and we randomly ran into my very pregnant cousin Sharon as well ... we saw "The Family Stone" and I must admit, with the exception of the random Claire Daines story line, I really highly enjoyed it ..and yes, I cried. Now, I also saw "Brokeback Mountain" the other evening with my friend Ivan, and I must say, I was dissapointed. I didn't actually believe in the love story between the two men, and maybe, the hype was so powerful, that nothing can ever stand up to what your expecting, but I was very let down. I thought the love story between the brothers in "The Family Stone" was more powerful and beautiful, but that is just me. What the hell do I know ?!?! LoL.
So, our anniversary for 'Monday Nights, New Voices' on January 16th is looking to be a special one and I am so excited to celebrate a year ..I really hope everyone shows up ..our last show wasnt ...well, we had about 30 people there ...so i'd like to have a huge show this time around ..it really is looking to be an amazing show, with some really incredible surprises for you all .... not to be missed !!!!
I am moving on Sunday ..I am looking forward. I bought my bed. Can you believe I haven't slept in my own bed, had my own mattress, in over two years ? I am very excited to settle down. I am excited to be next door to the dog parks again, for the pup ...he's getting a little fat .... ...ps. has anyone seen the cute ass pic of Billy on my news page ? how adorable is he ? adorable, right ? Who is gayer then me ? Other then my dog, that is ...
Not much more going on in my life then that. Performing at the Duplex Holiday party Thursday, so that should be nice, and working on developing new projects, and so thats exciting. My yearly letter before NYE will go up this week as well, so writing that out now as well ...other then that, just taking care of myself, and writing.
I hope this finds you all happy and healthy. xo -SA

Saturday, December 24, 2005

HAPPY HOLIDAYS

Wanted to wish everyone the happiest of holidays ...I am packin' up now, and gearing myself up for my move next Sunday ...looking forward to it all ...I am seeing my friend Ivan, who lives in LA, today ... he's in for the holidays, and so we are gonna see Brokeback Mountain ..Looking forward ... Ivan is one of my closest friends, and one of those people who constantly makes me laugh, and knows more about music then I do, at times ...we like to challenge each other ...its fun ...if you haven't seen, the press release for the new MNNV went out yesterday ..you can see it on the press release page, or read about it on the MNNV page ..you all better be there ...or else !! =-) ....wishing you all a healthy and happy holiday ...talk soon enough -SA

Wednesday, December 21, 2005

The Greatest Love of All ?

Sitting here, watching 'Being Bobby Brown,' one can't help but feel sad for what was once the greatest voice of 'my' lifetime. From the outside, she looked beautiful, graceful, and seemed to have the world in the palm of her hands. So, why has Whitney destroyed herself ? You can't help but be sad, watching this talent be destroyed. When this series first started, I laughed... I saw the humor in it....but as it went on, it was hard to watch. I hope, hope, we don't see another Billy Holliday....but it doesn't look good. So sad....so sad.....

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

One down....

I FOUND AN APARTMENT....I am happy to official say I will be moving back into the west village in an incredible apt with two wonderful people....i can't wait....take away the fact that I walked over 100 blocks today because of this strike, it was a great day....more tomorrow...-SA

Monday, December 19, 2005

next level of MNNV ....

Are you a playwright, composer, not sure of where to turn or how to get your work heard ? you have a short scene, no longer then 10 minutes, or a song, that you would like some of the most talented artists to perform ? email gabby at MNNVInfo@yahoo.com with your short story script, or your demo, as five scripts will be performed in one of our upcoming MNNV slots, and performed by Broadways hottest stars. Best of luck. -SA

Sunday, December 18, 2005

What a way to end the week ...

It's started around 4 yesterday. I just didn't feel well. I kept telling everyone I worked with (cause I like to complain) that I was feeling under the weather .... Luckily, my manager allowed me to go home early, because within an hour of returning home, it was extremely clear that I was dying .... Ok, not dying .... but it was clear I had either food poisoning or a stomach virus .... I wont go into details (your welcome), but the rest of the day will be spent trying to recover. Get myself some water, rice, and just get myself in order again. This was a week. I guess that is the best way to desribe it ... I lost the apartment I put an application in for. Why, you ask ? Well, because they dont accept dogs. Don't even ask. I left that broker faster then you could say "I hate you and your ass face." Then the girl I was looking with decided "You know what ? I am gonna go home to my parents." What 28 yr old really wants to live with her parents ? It probablly worked itself out since I wasn't sure we would really make a great match. I am still looking and today was suppose to be my big day to search for something, but alas, that was canceled. Thankfully I have many places to stay while searching for a place and wont be homeless come the 1st, so that is good news.
Oh, I saw Ms. Block on Thursday night in Hartford, CT. I will never take that four hour drive ever again, no matter what anyone says. NEVER. lol. Back to the show. I wont post all my opinions, but Stephanie and Jenna (who had a cold, but I didn't even notice) were amazing. AMAZING. After the show, we couldn't find the stagedoor, so we merely missed Jenna, but thankfully caught her before hoping into her car to sleep the cold away. We then hung out with Steph and her hottie boyfriend and his two hotties friends, and our new friends we met in the theatre, and we tookd some funny pics, and were on our way. It started sleeting the moment we left, and on our way home we saw over 100 accidents. We luckily made it back home safe and sound. Our new friends didn't sadly and got into an accident, but thankfully are safe and nobody was hurt .... Ok, this is not a happy post, is it ? This is one of those "it could only happen to me" posts that we all replay in our own heads daily ..."why me, why me" ...lol ....ok, im off to eat rice ..yayayayaya .....and then sleep ...yayayayaya .....-SA

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

Keep on Marching ...

Here is a letter that Martha Graham wrote to Agnes De Mille …Thanks to David for sending it to me;

“There is a vitality, a life force, a quickening that is translated through you into action, and because there is only one of you in all Time, this expression is unique.

And if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and be lost. The world will not have it.

It is not your business to determine: how good it is; nor how valuable it is; nor how it compares with other expressions.

It is your business to keep it yours clearly and directly, to keep the channel open. You do not even have to believe in yourself or your work.

You have to keep open and aware directly to the urges that motivate you. Keep the channel open … no artist is pleased…there is no satisfaction whatever at any time. There is only a queer, divine dissatisfaction; a blessed unrest that keeps us marching and makes us more alive than the others.”

Sunday, December 11, 2005

Is that rain ?

Stuck behind the bar of my resteraunt, I felt the sudden rush of saddness over take me. I am not happy in my living situation, I am not happy with the path of my career, I am not happy with being single ... I just stood there, frozen. So, I asked the owner if I could take a five minute walk. I stepped outside, and I felt rain on the left side of my cheak. Is it raining ? Snowing ? I kept walking, and then I felt it on the right side of my cheak. Where is this coming from ? It took me a few seconds to realize I was crying ...I was walking, numb to everything around me, and tears were rolling down my face. Have you ever watched a movie, or a tv show (eg. extreme makeover), and without notice, tears were brushing gently across your face ? You didn't know when it started, or how it ended, you just knew your face was marked. That was how I felt. My face didn't show signs of any emotional distress. My eyes weren't red. Yet, I was crying, softly. It was peaceful. That is the best way to describe the moment. Peaceful. Back to work I went, and on for another five hours. I work all day tomorrow, both brunch and dinner. I am also in search of another job to help out with bills. Oh, the bills. They never stop, do they ? Ok, I should sleep now. My journals will get happier soon enough, I promise ...xo -SA

Thursday, December 08, 2005

The Waiting....

Here I sit, at a diner,eating a Turkey Burger, and waiting....yes, waiting... I am trying to pick up as much extra money as possible, so I have been working odd jobs here and there (some worse then others), outside of my bartending gig....Tonight, I'm serving wine to real estate agents....sounds easy enough, right ? Right...except, I got a call that the party was starting later then expected, so here I sit, in my blank pants, shoes and shirt, waiting....
Today, my new roommate and I went looking for apts. We found an amazing steal, put in our application and....oh.yes....now, we must wait....
Tara and I had a heart to heart the other day about the future of 'Piece' and right now...we aren't sure what we want for the next step, or even when we would be ready ...so, again, we wait....so much was happening after the workshop, and yet, the fate of the show Is more uncertain then ever before....
The waiting is over....'hello, sir, would you care for our Merlot or Pinot Grigio this evening'....good times...-SA

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

Rise !!!

It's past 3:30 in the morning, and I can't sleep. Well, I haven't even really tried to sleep, but if I did try, I don't know if I could. I am staying at Tara's apartment this week, as she has gone to Dallas to visit her lova Chris, and well ..yesterday, there was a man killed outside my apartment. Oh, yes, right outside my door. With the murderer still on the loose, I have decided it isn't safe for me to be living where EVERYONE told me not to live...spanish harlem. If you know me, you know, I never liste, so here I am, once again, staying in Tara's beautiful west village apartment, eating canned soup and dreaming of a white christmas ...or something to that effect. Nothing better then having amazing friends.
I am happy to report that our new MNNV has been cast already. Our cast is gonna be beyond amazing ..I can state with assurance that this will be our strongest show yet, with an amazing composer (whom I will announce shortly). I am still working out a host and an up and coming composer for the evening, but am excited to have such a fantastic group of performers whom most of you dont know at all ..but will be blow away by.
I also find it funny that so many of you whom have written me lately are hoping I find my prince charming. Either your all tired of me complaining, or you understand the process. I hope I do, as well, but baby steps. Right now, I am in the process of apartment shopping, and then the next MNNV is my priority, including the alumni show. Later in January, Tara and I will start working on Piece again, but until then, I am happy taking a rest from the show for some time.
I hope your all staying warm. xo -SA

Sunday, December 04, 2005

Monday Nights, New Voices ...

MARK YOUR CALENDERS NOW....JANUARY 9TH .... 'Monday Nights, New Voices' turns a year old, and we are throwing a party ....the alumni will take the stage, tell you what they are doing now, and, of course, sing ....past hosts, posts composers, past MNNV talents all in one room ...you CAN'T miss this show ... Also, We are currently accepting audio consideration for the official return of MNNV, January 16th, Monday Nights New Voices ...ALL AGES are able to apply ... please send a small mp3 file, a photo (doesnt need to be a headshot), and information on yourself att: Gabby, to MNNVInfo@yahoo.com. We are looking forward to hearing from you all .... - Scott and Gabby

Saturday, December 03, 2005

Rejection ...

Rejection is hard to take. You are proud of your work, and your efforts, and your rejected over and over again for them. If you can't handle it, don't be in this business. It will happen. I don't care how talented you are, or how hard you want to work, you will find many doors slammed in your face. It has been a week long filled with rejection for me, and, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't down a little, but the thing with rejection is, you need to be able to put your best foot forward and keeping marching right along. It's strange to say, but the more rejection you face, the easier it becomes. Your body, in a way, becomes immune to it. Now, saying your body becomes immune, doesn't mean your heart does, but you have to keep faith that this is where you are meant to be right now, and though one opportunity, or two opportunities, aren't the right fit for you, in time, everything will fall into place. I truly believe that. You cant be scared of rejection. You are either going to be accepted, or you arent, and then, onto the next step. I have learned a lot about myself this past year, or past two years I should say. When Stephanie Block performed 'Never Neverland' for the first time, I was thrilled by the reaction it caused, and I'd be lying if I didn't admit that I gained a slight ego from it. I am happy it happened then, because, I wasn't proud of my behavior, and have learned what it is that I never want to become. Truth is, I had done nothing with my career for others to be proud of yet. Some may say that I still havent. Yet, am I proud of how far I've come ? YES !!! Yet, should other people ? No. I haven't proven anything. I have no success. Besides the few people whom read this journal and visit the website, nobody knows my name yet, nor should they. I selfishly keep this site going because, when I recieve your emails, it means the world too me. It truly does. Yet, do I deserve to have an entire site in my honor ? An up and coming composer ? Probablly not. I just like to share my work and hope people like it, but I have started to learn that it's not what other people think of you, its what you think of yourself that really matters. Hopefully, one day, one of you up and coming stars of Broadway, will perform one of my songs on your grammy award winning cd's and I'll never have to bartend again, lol, but until then ...life takes us where it takes us ... where next ? We shall see ...I wish you all a beautiful weekend....Time to take a shower and head to work ...Lime Mojitto anyone ?.xo -SA

Thursday, December 01, 2005

Nothing ...

Nothing to really report upon ...My puppy is as cute as ever, I am still a bartender, and I am still obsessed with the show 'Starting Over.' Other then that, nothing has changed. I AM going to see Ms. Block and Ms. Green in Wicked on the 15th, though, so that is exciting. They are coming to CT, which is about a two hour drive, so Stephanie was kind enough to get Tara and myself two house seats for the evening, and I am really looking forward to seeing the show. I have heard nothing but amazing things about the touring production. I am still searching for the 'perfect' apartment, but as I have four weeks to look, I have a good feeling everything will work itself out. On a personal note, nights are lonely ..hahaha ..hint, hint for prince charming to find me ....;Piece' is def. in a slow place right now ... though, in a way, it's nice taking a break from everything. I haven't been writing at all lately, as I write for the voice (does that sound weird ?) and I have a cold now, and the singing doesn't sound so hot, so right now, I feel very lazy. I am usually so motivated to get things going, and for some reason, I just feel stuck. I think I just need to take one thing at a time. Get myself the apartment in place, and then start running with everything else. I have decided against a December MNNV as there is so much going on in Decemeber, I dont want to take away from some of the amazing charity events on most of the mondays, so I am starting to look for new participants for a January MNNV, I am looking forward. I miss it, a lot. If you are interested in taking part, please feel free to email gabby at MNNVinfo@yahoo.com with a short introduction and a clip of you performing, vocally, and a photo if possible. I BELIEVE we have a special composer for January, but need to touch base ...other then that, everything is only in the works ...I hope this finds you al well and looking forward ..off to the gym ....xo -SA